just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
