I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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