I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
