He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
