Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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