hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
