Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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