Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My vagina just recognized that song.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
