I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
