i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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