Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
