after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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