Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
