I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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