I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
