dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
