Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
