did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
