oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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