Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
