yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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