I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
