when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
