So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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