i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
