I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
