I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
