so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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