Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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