The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
