So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
