We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
