so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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