Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
