My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
