Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
