I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
