Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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