How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
