As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
