I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
