Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
