i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
