when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
