When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
