I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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