I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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