Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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