so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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