lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
