we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
