If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
