im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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