So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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