How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
